A LETTER TO MARRIAGE SOFTWARE ANALYST AND RESPONSE THERETO

Dear Systems Analyst,

I am desperate for some help!

I recently upgraded my program from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and found that the new program began unexpected Child Processing and also took up a lot of space and valuable resources. This wasn't mentioned in the product brochure. In addition Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during systems initialization and then it monitors all other system activities.

Applications such as "Boys' Night out 2.5" and "Golf 5.3" no longer run, and crashes the system whenever selected. Attempting to operate selected "Saturday Rugby 6.3" always fails and "Saturday Shopping 7.1" runs instead. I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background whilst attempting to run any of my favorite applications. Be it online or offline. I am thinking of going back to "Girlfriend 7.0", but uninstall doesn't work on this program.

Can you please help? ....

AND THIS IS WHAT OUR ANALYST SAID:

Dear Customer, This is a very common problem resulting from a basic misunderstanding of the functions of the Wife 1.0 program. Many customers upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 thinking that Wife 1.0 is merely a UTILITY AND ENTERTAINMENT PROGRAM. Actually, Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM designed by its Creator to run everything on your current platform. You are unlikely to be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 7.0, as Wife 1.0 was not designed to do this and it is impossible to uninstall, delete or purge the program files from the System once it is installed.

Some people have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but have ended up with even more problems. (See manual under Alimony/Child Support and Solicitors' Fees). Having Wife 1.0 installed, I recommend you keep it Installed and deal with the difficulties as best as you can. When any faults or problems occur, whatever you think has caused them, you must run the......... C:\ APOLOGIZE\ FORGIVE ME.EXE Program and avoid attempting to use the *Esc-Key for it will freeze the entire system.

It may be necessary to run C:\ APOLOGIZE\ FORGIVE ME.EXE a number of times, and eventually hope that the operating system will return to normal. Wife 1.0, although a very high maintenance programme, can be very rewarding. To get the most out of it, consider buying additional Software such as "Flowers 2.0" and "Chocolates 5.0" or "HUGS\ KISSES 600.0" or "TENDERNESS\ UNDERSTANDING 1000.0" or even Eating Out Without the Kids 7.2.1" (if Child processing has already started).

DO NOT under any circumstances install "Secretary 2.1" (Short Skirt Version) or "One Nightstand 3.2" (Any Mood Version), as this is not a supported Application for Wife 1.0 and the system will almost certainly CRASH.

BEST WISHES!

Extroverts Are Rarer Than You Think — So Are You One, Or Not?

If you feel like everyone around you is an extrovert, think again.

Does it seem like *everyone* in your inner circle is more outgoing than you? Chances are, your view of the world is just a little distorted. 

According to new research from Dartmouth College, extroversion is less common than we may believe. “What our paper shows is that extroversion is over-represented in one’s social network,” co-study author Daniel C. Feiler tells Yahoo Health. “There’s the starting point where there’s all the people in the social environment. Then over time, you become friends with some of them, and the ones who become part of your social network tend to be more extroverted than the people in the social environment on average. And so by contrast, you may start to think, ‘Wow, everyone else is so outgoing and maybe I’m not keeping up.’”

As a result, this false impression can spur feelings of inadequacy — which could have profound effects on job performance, relationships, and self-esteem.

Let’s face it — many of us wonder if we’re “normal,” but as Feiler points out, the fault with this question lies in the definition of normal. “There’s this assumption that our beliefs about what’s normal comes from the people we see, the people around us,” he explains. “So on average, if the people in our social network are more extroverted than the social environment as a whole, then people in general will think others are more social then they actually are. But our research shows that you’re probably more normal than you think.”

So do the introverts and ambiverts (those who are both introverted and extroverted) also have a skewed opinion of society? “This happens at all levels, to some degree,” Feiler explains. “Ambiverts are in the middle on this issue. While extroversion is still over-represented in their network, it’s not as extreme as the extroverts.” 

But it’s the ones who prefer solitude who tend to have a more accurate reading of the world since their social circle contains a mix of all personality types. “Introverts will become friends with introverts since people become friends with others who are like them,” says Feiler. “Yet extroverts are more social by nature, so introverts will also become friends with them. So those two effects balance out when you become friends with people within the whole range.” 

So how are you supposed to know if you’re a true extrovert? “Like most psychological concepts, extroversion is truly a continuum and not a ‘this’ or ‘that’ categorization,” states Feiler. “There are introverts, extroverts, and ambiverts with shades of gray between.” However, there are three big factors that can help you decipher which category you fall in. They are: 

The Talkative Factor: “Extroverts end up spending a lot of time talking, and as a consequence, aren’t very good at listening,” Feiler explains. “On the one hand, introverts are very good at listening, but don’t express themselves verbally too much. And ambiverts balance these two things effectively, giving them an advantage in things like sales, where both traits are important.”

The Social Assertiveness Factor: “Extroverts will start conversations without yet knowing their common ground with the other person,” says Feiler. “They’ll also insert themselves into ongoing conversations. Yet an ambivert might talk to someone if they know they have common ground with them.” As for introverts, Feiler says they’re less likely to approach anyone at a social gathering. “And an introvert will almost never jump into a conversation.” 

The Sensory Stimulation Factor: “Extroverts seek out situations with more sensory stimulation, meaning lots of activity, sounds, sights, etc.” explains Feiler. “However, introverts are more prone to overstimulation in, say, a party setting, causing them to want to go somewhere quiet to recover.” But contrary to popular belief, both introverts and extroverts find social interactions to be positive experiences. “It’s not that introverts don’t like socializing — it’s that they can get over-stimulated,” he explains. And as expected, ambiverts enjoy a party atmosphere that contains a balanced blend of both situations.

 By Amy Capetta